Strawberry Letter: Married to Him But Momma is His Woman
Dear Shirley and John Legend,
I have been married for seven years. My husband has decided that he does not have to spend anytime with me and that his mother and everything else should come before me. Just to give you a little background, this is a second marriage for both of us. I have two girls by my first husband and he and I were together for 20 years. My oldest is married and has her own children and my youngest is in college. He has a daughter and has raised his stepson. Being a single father and raising his ex wife’s son was one of the things that I loved most about him. He understood what it was like to be a single parent. We married within 18 months of meeting. Once we were married I found that his mother always needed him on a daily basis. She lived almost an hour away from us. She then convinced him to keep the kids in the same school district they were in prior to us getting married because she lived there. Again, an hour away. He agreed and would leave the house everyday at 5:45 in the morning. He would not return home until about 8:30 at night because the kids played sports. My children went to school where we lived which by the way is one of the best school districts in the state and his kids attend one of the worst. This also occurred on the weekends (all day he would be gone). His mother would ask him to cancel any plans with me to take her where she wanted to go. Mind you she drives herself and her friends everywhere when he is at work. I spoke with him about this and he became very upset with me and he was going there more often. I finally could not take it anymore and I called her (mother). She informed me that she was his mother and she came first. He agreed. I packed my youngest daughter and left him. We separated for 3 years. he moved in with his mother and I got a townhouse. He convinced me to go to counseling when I told him I was filing for a divorce. We went to counseling for a year and eventually got a house and moved back in together. For 4 months, things were good but then momma convinced him to send his daughter back up to the lousy school district where she is after he had transferred her to where we live. He did what momma said. Again he is coming home at 830 and sometimes later. I have talked and talked and now we don’t do anything together, he is at his mother’s seven days a week and I am left alone. I have been dealing with this for 3 years now and I’m tired of it. I have found a new house for me and my daughter (the youngest who is now in college) and I am set to leave. Let me close by saying that I can’t take this anymore and since he can’t leave to cleave I am going to make it easy for him and be the one to leave. Am I wrong for leaving my marriage? Please help!!
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