Strawberry Letter: I Finished College, But My Man Won’t Do the Same
Dear Shirley and Steve,
I am a young woman at the age of 25 and I must say I have so much going for myself. I have a well-paying job in my field and I am currently pursuing my MBA in Human Resource Management, while maintaining being both a full-time student and a full-time employee. But enough about me, I am coming to you in regards to the relationship I am in. I have been with my boyfriend since we both graduated high school together, which is eight years now. During our college years we did break up a few times, but we always seem to gravitate toward each other. Fast forward, I was able to finish college, but he was not due to financial circumstances. Needless to say, after I graduated, the economy sucks, and we were both jobless. So I suggested to him that we should move away from the northeast to Atlanta, because of the booming opportunities I kept hearing about. With my degree, I was able to land something rather quickly; however with his lack of a degree it did take him about year after we moved to land something stable. He eventually landed a more secure job by working at a retail store as a cashier, in which he was promoted supervisor after four months. While it may not be much, it is helping him pitch in on the bills. However, my concern is that he lost the ambition I admired during our high school and college years. He does not want to go back to school (which I know school isn’t for everyone). But I would love for him to get his degree so he can get into a career rather than going job to job. Furthermore, he is beginning to lack goals and does not discuss about the future anymore. In addition to, in the networking circles I have joined since I began my career I see many of my colleagues with their significant others who are in corporate America or engineering and have well-paying careers. I know I should not compare them to my relationship, but I cannot help but to grow envious in their relationships, because their significant others provide not only love but security. My boyfriend provides the love, doesn’t cheat and treats me the best way he can, but lacks the security. My biggest concern is that we may soon grow apart, because I am so goal-driven and my ambition is beginning to outshine his. I tried everything from taking him to career fairs to recommending he goes to the school I am in so he can complete his bachelors degree. When I bring up the topic he gets very defensive and I feel he completely ignores my suggestions. I do not want to break up, because I do love him, but I am not sure what to do or what to say to him anymore. My questions are: Is love enough or is being secure what matters in a relationship? Is there any way someone can achieve both? Will breaking up be the best solution for this? I appreciate your advice tremendously.
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